Quins with only one home game against London Irish shocker!
Jesus now lads, the season is fecking here! No summer to talk of; freakin' International matches in August; and now the number one sport is in full party swing with the RWC! This fecker on Saturday has sort of crept up on me and the laughing old dude like herpes.Still, at last them mighty Quims finally give up a home game to be part of the LDH.
Come Saturday, their multi-coloured lovers of fashion move a variety of shaped asses all the fecking way from the Stoop to HQ, to raise the curtain on the 2007/08 Guinness Premiership.
The London Double Homer is the best thing since my sister caught her wee left tittie in the Mini Cooper glove compartment in 1973. A fine and banging year that fecker was, from there on in, I fecking tell ya!
Last year and 2004 sucked more that a Swedish blow job regional champion as it was LI's home game, but now its an away day at HQ and on the season ticket. Happy fecking days.
Now lads, the two squads will be tested more than a marathon Trivial Pursuit challenge with the RWC in full swing. This will feck the game standard by a wee gnats foreskin, but it is still a Premiership game. Time to step up.
Harlequins, having made a freakin' hugely impressive return to the big lads league last term, will be chasing for a strong start to this campaign. They will craic on with this task with some big game performers missing. The RWC has robbed the Quims of some serious man meat, and don’t fecking doubt it.
Bloody Injuries!
Injury too has taken its toll of one of the smallest squads in the top flight. Hal Luscombe and Stuart Abbott are centres that ooze more class than a night out in Virginia Water, but will be largely playing the ‘unavailable’ card. This is a huge blow, and will leave a hole that even reducing CFC emissions will not fix. Jordan Turner-Hall, the talented young gun, will need to step up and be a man, my son.
David Strettle is the other threat that cannot take his place on the cabbage patch come tree-terty. The little fecker would have been away in France, anywho, had he not gone all freakin' round ball on us and found a fecking metatarsal to break. Gutted for the big man, and do wish him a speedy recovery, by the way.
Bloody RWC!
Nick Easter and Tani Fuga are two fat feckers of the pack variety who have by-passed the injury list and got a wee jolly to represent their countries. Easter is the man who will be massively missed most by the Hairys. He is fecking well renowned for his explosive approach to being explosive in key areas of the game where being explosive is hugely important.
Gary Botha, a summer signing from Saf Africa, is going large with the Springboks which will delay his involvement at the Stoop. Come Friday evening, he will give not a shoite about his new employers or country he will be invited to live in, as the red rose fills his peripheral vision!
Andy Gomarsall and Steve So'oialo may fecking well live to regret the decision to get bench splinters in France, as Danny Care now has two freaking months to grab the 9 shirt for himself. This little beauty is pacey, tenacious with vision as good as any in the Premiership. He will relish the opportunity to get into the thoughts of Dean Richards, but not in a homo way.
Bloody Malone!
On top of the Botha signing, Dean Richards his dipped into the purse to grab a few notable deals. De Wey Barry from Western Province and the Stormers will have one feck of a great time eating the hearts of the Premiership midfields across the country. He will bang his shoulder into the areas of pain on these shores come the end of his involvement in the Currie Cup.
The other hugely impressive bagging, a bagging quality not seen since the Turbo Wedgey fest of Seven Oaks in 1953, has to be Chris Malone. This fecker has broken more Irish hearts than Lloyd George with his grabbing of vital kicks to win games for Barf! This season, he will be bigger than anything thought to be big by any Quim fan.
Even missing these vital players, the Hairyquims still have a wealth of line breakers and game winners. The girls possess speed to burn even the safest of BSI accredited non-flammable turf, given the space. Mike Brown has been a revelation, and this season offers him the opportunity to show the development his potential is screaming for.
Simon Keogh and Uge Monye are more established in the trade and real feckers at grabbing a headline or two. The Molly/Care half back combo is key in releasing these flyers into attacking situations.
In the pack, Ceri Jones and Mike Ross will provide the grunt at the set piece, although the hooker situation is still needing a wee bit of clarity. Christophe Laurent has been signed to cover this vital role, and will be working like a fecker to learn the calls and patterns before Saturday.
Ollie Kohn and Jim Evans are hugely combative in the second row, and will give them go forward. The skipper will be Paul Volley, a man who has proven to have started a fight in solitary. A real leader.
London Irish have a huge chance to start well this season, even given the players unavailable. Catt and Mapasua in the heart of the midfield will be missed, as well as Paddy out wide. Richards will have to wait, then fight for his slot at 9, as Hodgson will be the owner come RWC conclusion.
JML and Tiesi in the Pumas are the other two that are unavailable for selection due to the World Cup
Still, the tight five are fecking huge and will provide an excellent platform to win and move ball. The back row are dynamic and will fight a good freakin' fight. The gurls will need to be on the ball, but Armitage and Ojo can be dangerous with ball in hand. Ah, and Staunton will be itching to have a big one!
So lads, London Irish and Quims will square up and do battle. Get there early and get this season fecking running.
--Master Scribe