Flood Warning Averted for Sunday
Ah, the season is alive and well with round two of the AG Premiership on the way. After yet another superb start to the season, well by the fat lads up front anyway! London Irish will go in search of their first point for 2007/08 at Fortress Madstad.In contrast, the Newcastle Falcons will make their way to Reading on the back of issuing a right royal mullering to the Sharks. A try bonus win will have the Northern fellas slavering like a teenaged jazz mag virgin, eyeing his naked MILF, at the prospect of a 10 point start.
The fans may even spend a bob or two, from the relocated savings in the mattress after emptying their Northern Rock accounts. That's probably a pipe dream though, as they seem like wannabe Jocks.
John Fletcher was well fecking happy after last weeks match, and was apparently spotted in a wee corner pleasuring himself with a smile. This ‘smile’ may well work its way onto YouTube as an unsuspecting Falcon fan filmed the rare glint of enamel on his moby.
The star of the Falcons assault on the former champions was the wee man Toby Flood (wee if you are 6 foot fecking 3 looking down), who has part of all freakin' things awesome. This sort of form finally got him to France for the RWC, where he should have fecking been from the onset! Mike Catt at 10 against the Saffers? Behave!
With Johnny already with the English, preparing for the critical match with Samoa on Saturday, Fletcher has to scrape around for fly-half cover. Steve Jones, a man who typifies the Geordies want of becoming a Jock, is the man to fill those boots.
Jones has returned to the club of his studentship, after a wee thrash at being at Reiver in the Magners League. Still developing into a shadow dweller of Walder stature, he will now get a two week chance at giving it a fecking lash for the first team. Flood and Wilkinson will probably return and be available for Newcastle’s home clash with Leeds on 5th October(!).
Jones has played U18 for England and U21 for Scotland, by the way!
Also at the RWC is the hugely dangerous Mathew Tait, who’s speed in space should be awarded a freakin' ASBO. With Noon and Mayflower out with injuries, the midfield will be plugged by an afro and a ginger in the forms of Joe Shaw and Tom Dillon. Dillon is the outside centre that is a lover of powering in the big tackle, but not in a homo way.
The back three provide experience, cunning and that fecker, Matthew Burke, and I mean that in a ‘respect, dude’ way. The former Wallaby has to be THE friggin' best export to grace the Premiership, and is still as dangerous as a hoody gang outside the Spar on crack. Tom May and John Rudd hit well ‘ard and will sniff out a fiver if the ball is given width.
The much twatted pack fronted up and made a right fecking breakfast, dinner and tea of the Sale fat lads last week. This allowed the gurls to get hands on ball, and Flood the time to kick for field position. They will have to bring that ‘A’ game with them on Sunday, after the fecking huge effort and control displayed by the Irish 8.
The LI forwards must be giving the girls a right kicking this week, after winning more ball than shown on the Lottery draw show. These efforts were turned down by a stuttering display in the half backs. Shane back in to start will sort this fecker out!
Anyway, back to the visitors on Sunday.
The front row combo of Joe McDonnell, Matt Thompson and Micky Ward is the same fat lads that faced up to the Irish last term in Reading. They suffered a real pasting that day, in a game won by the home side 38-12.
Andy Perry and Mark Sorenson are paired together in the second row, and by feck they will be going mental to secure ball come set piece time. The kiwi born Sorenson, especially, is a real bruiser, in the tight, loose and the unseen. And Perry is a fecking former Royal Marine!
Phil Dowson, the skipper will have to get his hands on more ball than a Catholic Priest at choir practise to ensure that the forward momentum can be in the black favour. With the young lads of Geoff Parling and Ben Woods flanking him, there is speed available to feck the Irish
Brian Smith will want this game to come quickly after the disaster of the Hairyquims defeat last Saturday at HQ. The nature of the defeat will feck him off, but he knows that at least three overlaps were turned down by blinkered runners.
The fat feckers won all their own set piece as well as stealing a shoite load of multi-coloured ball as well!
Shane and Dodge as half-back pairing should ensure that the pill gets wide early. If the forwards can repeat their dominance of Twickers, LI have every chance to open their accounts for this season.
--Master Scribe