Saucy Encounter Expected at Wuss
After the exotic trip to Belfast and a score draw over the two fecking edgy legs of the Heiny Cup with Ulster, the Premiership returns. A period of moving up and down the friggin' league structure can now be achieved by all those daring to fecking give it a real festive lash.First up, come the in-form team of the recent past, in the chunky form of those friggin' Warriors. Many a battle has been issued out between these two abrasive and unfancied foes since Worcester entered the top flight, and by feck this beggar ain’t going to be for the faint hearted, mark my words.
With a two a piece head-to-head league win count, both sides will be fancying themselves more than Santa Claus in delivering the right fecking gift to pained but not naughty fans.
The side from near the freaking awesome Droitwich Spa, famous for its magnificent Norbury Theatre, have targeted this match as the real fecking means to propel them to safety from the trap door that is the ‘R’ word. And why the feck not?
After gaining their first friggin' victory in the league with an outstanding fight back at Sorries, the self belief is positively dripping from each and every area that can actually produce any sort of dripping motion.
Since that solid performance, the Wuss lads have gone on a three game cup mullering session to the Dragons in the EDF lacking-Energy Cup, and back to back lessons dealt to new French 14 side, Albi. That means a fiver is the fecking aim with LI the feckers to attempt to stop this riotous run.
John Brain and the oily Cecil Duckworth were fecked off to the highest of heavens but a month or so ago and went Donald Trump with Aussie coach Anthony Eddy. ‘You're fired ya fecking Ashes nicking fecker’ (yes, the two even fecking knew then) was the chapter, verse and epilogue dished to the crowd favourite, well the other eleven Premiership crowds anyway.
With their try line having more visitors than Alton Towers and with probably bigger queues to use the fecker, the duo pulled a stroke as masterful as even the most skilled self-pleasuring pubescent rag-mag voyeur. In came former England defensive coach Phil Larder, a position he held when the Rose was a mighty force. Stop the defence leaking like a STD victim’s member, and games could be snatched. Fair fecking shout there lads.
The squad that are at the disposal of the selection team for the Midlanders is not too friggin' shoddy. With a front row that is as wide as the North bound M5, a second row as fecking scary looking as the Deliverance ‘Stuffing him like a pig’ fellas and a back row that would steal your grannies dentures, Wuss will now start to reap the fecking rewards of a defence as tight as a choirboys vocal cords!
Keep a keen eye out for the freaking Glaws reject Chris Fortey, who could start a fight in solitary, the feisty fecker he be!
The fecking girls can also do one feck of a job too, given time and space. A pacey back three which will include Delport and could have a another former Glaws boy, Garvey, will be a handful.
Lombard, direct as he can be with Rasmussen, will be looking to bash the holes, but not in a homo way. The former Sainty one Drahm is starting to pull more strings than Jim Henson and Frank Oz. All this happening after the delivery from the impressive hands of Baden’s grandson, Matt.
For Irish, the probable absence of the Catt-meister will be one feck of a loss in both leadership and flair, however, the likes of the now Itialian Tiesi and should be Irish fella Geraghty, questions will be asked of Larders quick-fix.
The walking wounded are now starting to get game time, with the front row now topping the sixty stone fecking mark with Rautenbach and Lea'aetoa being the targets on ‘Engage’ for Morris and Horsman.
Casey/Kennedy versus Collier/Gillies. Ummmmmmm, ticket monies paid for.
Irish will know from the first blow of Mayhem's whistle that another Friday night and another feck of a challenge lies ahead. Let's hope to Christ that the previous couple of Friday experiences can be fecked to the left, and more day light between bottom and Green is established.
Wuss will battle the loose, tight and the half-time oranges, come the night. Efforts must be matched for a positive result to be grabbed. Hard to call this fecker.
-- Master Scribe