Irish Require Welfare In Leicester
London Irish go into Saturday’s game at Welfare Road on the back of yet another defeat, this time at the hands of fecking Gloucester. Having gifted the table toppers a friggin’ twelve point start, the ‘catch the feck up rugby’ failed to bag a win despite the visitors missing a shoite load of their ‘stars’ to Internationals.Next up Leicester Tigers, the side most affected by the Autumn Internationals, who will delve into their vast resources to push out a team that will again challenge throughout the field of play. The squad guys left are not exactly a freakin’ heap of shoite either!
To the England squad to play the Springboks will go George Chuter, Julian White, Ben Kay, Martin Corry, Lewis Moody, and Andy Goode. Geordan Murphy will line up against the fecking Aussies at Lansdowne, Seru Rabeni will take on the Jocks in Edinburgh, while two of their summer signings, Martin Castrogiovanni and Marcos Ayerza will face one another in Rome. If the boot was on the other foot, that would leave Irish with six players, for fecks sake.
Still, with this volume of talent playing elsewhere, the Tigers may well be less potent in gaining the fecking points they always seem to get at home against LI. At the Sorries in the last round of premiership fixtures, a game they would surely have friggin’ won, control was not there for the piece and they came up just short. A loss at the Vic was issued, and a wounded side now sit in wait to get back on track.
However, in the first weekend of International away days, Leicester gave the saucy feckers from Worcester a right fecking at Welfare. The 15,000 plus Cyclopes Midlanders that cram themselves into the home ground always ensure that whoever wear the colours will give 20% more.
At this stage of the season, Leicester find themselves 5th in the premiership, only a couple of points adrift of the play-off slots. Their home form has been as fecking consistent as a nun’s monthly visitor with the only real blip coming in the form of a Glaws draw.
It has been on the road that the fortunes have stumbled like a drunkard fecker on ‘Thunderbird’. Aside from Sorries, they had the misfortune of a real fecking at the hands of Bath.
Still, even with the Internationals away, the Cheetahs will still be a tough nut to crack. Pat Howard will still be selecting a powerful side that can compete with all in the premiership.
The fat feckers in the prop department continue the tradition of ugly chunks of aggressive meat. Alex Moreno, a tanned Argentinean look-alike of Graham Rowntree, has seven caps and loves to scrummage as much as taking breath. Local fella, Micheal Holford should be in the other fecking corner to help provide a stable platform for James Buckland at 2.
In the second row, the Tigers have an abundance of riches to help cover and even challenge Kay for his shirt. James Hamilton, the Swindon fecking Jock, is available for selection and is proving to be a pain in the arse for opposition locks, and may allow Louis Deacon to drop back to the back row. With stand-in skipper Leo Cullen, the capped Irishman, they have a real fecker for getting stuck in, but not in a homo way, and a worthy partner to any lock.
If Louis Deacon is starting in the back row, then the lineout options available to the home side will be considerably improved. He is a real diamond geezer and gives his fecking all for his home club. This selection would feck his baby bro, Brett Deacon, over to the bench.
Shane Jennings, the former Leinster lad, is another fella who loves the contact more than a fecking porn star. His temperament has been called in to question on occasions, but by feck, he gives drive. Leeds Tykes reject Jordan Crane at 8, has been patient to get the nod and is going do-friggin’-lally at the chance. This young fecker will be one hell of a player, especially now he is part of the Tigers set-up.
At scrum-half, Scott Bemand has been on fire. He is sticking two fingers up at the friggin’ challengers for the shirt with a game-plan full of ambition and strength. He is a real nugget, who pressures all and sets up great attacking ball. Harry Ellis, who has failed to add to his thirteen England caps this autumn, must be fecking giving it his all in training to get the start ahead of him. Two quality 9’s to choose from can only promote competition.
With the atomic boot of Goode sat on the Bench at HQ, Paul Burke will stand at 10 to organise the girls. The former Munster and Quim man, and London Irish born, is still turning in steady performances at the age of 62, and looking better for it. With eighteen Ireland caps, his experience does provide an element of stability and he can kick the points.
In the centres, Tigers have two fellas of vast game time, but are still dangerous in attack, as well as putting the odd shoulder into contact. With England and Lions Ollie Smith out with knee ligament problems picked up at Cardiff Blues, Leon Lloyd and Daryl Gibson will feature. Lloyd, previously capped by England, always has a fecking awesome game against the Irish. Not sure if this is a religious or bigotry thing, but the fecker raises the bar for them.
Gibson has been one of the best Southern Hemisphere players to join the premiership. The Former All Black is still a class act where his soft hands and rugby brain work quicker than most, he can and will make breaks and set phases of play. This fecker needs more shackles than Kunta Kinte, or Toby as he is now called.
The back three will provide pace and will grab the tries given an ant’s foreskin of space. Johne Murphy is a young fella starting to make waves in the premiership with pace and strength. Tom Varndell on the other side is just plain fast as feck and a real finisher. He has been unfortunate to have lost his England shirt, but the guy has loads of time to learn and become a true legend of the game.
Sam Vesty at fullback is an underrated player of note that just turns in performances for his club week-in week-out. He is the man for being under any high ball and will always look to get the back 3 going.
Henry Tuilagi, the fecking Pacific Island monster, is battling against injury to be up for selection. He may well get a place on the bench, but what a fecking impact player to have.
Another tough trip to Welfare Road to face a Cheetahs side that is more than capable. London Irish need to inject belief and confidence back into the game plan if they are to get anything from this match.
Having competed well against Glaws at the breakdown and set-piece, the fat feckers should take heart and replicate this come Saturday. The girls need to make the tackles and get the opposite strike runners floored. Once any premiership side is behind the defensive line, you are fecked.
Brain Smith will be going spare this week, and a selection with attacking options needs to be made. Tight defence, street smarts, strong ref and a huge slice of luck are needed at Wellie. Get these, and game on.
--Master Scribe