Rested Glaws Eye New Years Day
Ah, thank the fecking Lord for getting the lads through to 2007, with a mere battle on New Years day to climax their festive period.Three fecking games in 10 days, before a week off to start all over again. Now that is professional rugby and all its shoite administration that is associated with it. The Coaches know this time to be the making and a fecking shaking of their ambitions, but prey to any God that may friggin want to listen, for injuries to be minimal while points taken to the fecking max.
London Irish have not had the comfort of allowing rotation or fielding an ‘A’ side due to the current plight of those not available, but have managed to bag a pair as juicy as Kelly Book’s fun bags!
Now the Exiles face one feck of a challenge, up there with watching a porn movie with your friggin ma in the room. Castle Grim, and a rampant Glaws looking to further improve their league standing, umm nice.
HC ambitions dictate that these are the fecking games to win, and Sorries less than a week later will go a long way in friggin tell the Exiles where they are going.
Hung over festive revellers in the form of their fecking Cycloptic Shed-Heads, ranting and taunting all non-cherry and white can be as hostile a place as Basra for the 80 minutes. The Glaws 16th man will play outside-Spreadbury, a position there to provide fecking guidance and reassurance to their forward chargers.
This is not to undermine the Glaws supporters, who are passionately vocal, great lovers of the odd shaped ball and also have the female gender mixed to maximum affect. These fillies possessing, as mentioned more than Barrymore’s swimming pool, the hugest breasts in the World!
The Jockey before the battle is a positive Breast-fest as fighting your way to the bar becomes an assault course of cleavage and a fecking great mammary or two for the experience. Still, feck all that; leg man myself.
As for Dean Ryan’s squad, he has assembled a ‘Beauty and the Beast’ configuration. There are some fecking brutal men in this squad that are more of doorman method to their protection offered to the free-flowing gurls.
Secure possession and ping the pace has delivered a fecking outrageously attacking style to a viewing public more used to the fat feckers banging their way through the oppositions defences, but not in a homo way. Although, the forwards can and friggin will have a few periods of legal thug-static play to quench theirs and a maul-loving Gloucester publics’ thirst.
During the festive mealy, Gloucester Rugby have had to contend with the disruption in a freaking completely different light as those experienced by 10 of the AG Premiership.
Having trained and twatted heads in an attempt to focus the fecking minds prior to a match, the fecker was postponed. Over 12,000 souls had gathered to drive the lads to victory over the Falcons, only for a fecking frosty Friday Fog-fest to leave them and the players as frustrated as a Nun with a dildo. This may have given the two squads needed rest time, however the energies expended in preparation, both mental and physical, is greater to the players than 80 minutes.
Their other Christmas fixture dealt them a right royal mullering at the hands of those fecking Pests in Wycombe. Having friggin decided not to turn up for the first half, the Cherry and Whites could not get back on terms from a huge deficit. Backlash now must be to the fore of Glaws thoughts to get their fecking awesome early league form back on track. Shiny tings are required by the faithful.
The side should line up with a front row that can visually impair the opposition, and have a fond love for the contact. The scrums may well be a tricky affair with the fat feckers having to touch before impact, but this will not deter Collazo and Califano from inflicting scrummage hell!
In the second row, Bortolami and Brown are forming a pairing as in tune as Torvill and Dean, but without the gay stuff. Both will win ball at set-piece, but Bortolami brings power and grunt from the engine room.
The back row fellas have been feeling the pain during the season, with more injuries to this department than seen during the Toxteth riots of 1981. The walking wounded have started to return with impressive ball winning skills of Hazell and speed of the now more physical Forrester becoming a Brucey bonus. With Buxton and Narraway in and around the paddock, this area will be more brutal than anything issued by Pol Pot.
At half-back, Ryan has more riches than the monarchy at his disposal. The wee Jock lad Lawson has been one feck of a find, giving quality cover to the chunky Richards. Inside the 9 again provides resources that are class in the form of Richards and Lamb.
Two from the three of Simpson-Daniel, Tindall and Allen will ask calculus level questions of the Irish in the midfield, with Sinbad going to the wing if Mrs Sportsman of the year fecker gets the nod. Finally, the back three will be looking for ball to put pace and points to the game.
This is as tough an ask of any side, but the physically drained London Irish lads will need to front up once more. With the free-falling Sale side hurtling towards mid-table, but a Sorries team going North, the chase for top 6 is hotting up. Leaving Kingsholm with feck all would create a Grand Canyon-esque gulf between the top and mid sides.
The defence shown against Tigers was pure body fecking madness, but reaped a fantastic win. Another showing of this friggin ferocity will put a dangerous Glaws outfit on the back foot and allow the LI gurls a chance to dance with the home side back three.
Brain Smith knows that for a fecking famous back to back league win at their fortress, every gnat’s foreskin of a chance must be taken. Points on offer need to be gobbled up quicker than a Swedish deep throat session.
Compete and take the points, an unlikely win could be delivered. Allow Glaws to impose their fecking game, and the hang over from Hogmanay may continue for a few days more.
--Master Scribe