Irish Go West to Bath
Toulouse then Bath for back-to-back away fixtures, now that is just lovely lads. Two trips that would surely be at the top on most feckers hit list for this season. The French trip will be a muddle of memories for those that made it, but all talk switched to Saturday afternoon, the first weekend in November.The fun and frolics are now finished in the Heineken Cup for a little while for London Irish, so back to the chapter, verse and friggin’ epilogue that is the premiership. This fecking match is bigger than John Lennon or Jesus.
Both sides need something from this game to define the rest of their season. It may be fecking too early to mention ten pointers, but by feck, this is one of them occasions, and hopefully Topsy can bag the ten points by half-time again!
It has been a fecking weird time for the famous West Country team, who have contrived to become the present third class cousins of the area. In their day, this was a club with more fecking trophies than Donald Trump, but the return to those days has seemed a nightmare to achieve for them.
Brian Ashton, the fecking rugby genius, returned last year to give them more attacking flair, and fair play to the man, he seems to have started something. He has since left for the England setup and been replaced, for the time being, by Stephen Meehan. Meehan has had experience in France with Stade, but has now taken up a challenge there with a hundred pint tour weekend.
His job has not been made any easier by the injury list, the size of which you wouldn’t see in the Bristol A&E on a Saturday night. X Factors very own Matt Stevens, apparent LI target, Michael Lipman, Welsh fella Gareth Delve and Alex Crockett are four long term injured missing come the weekend.
When you fecking add the likes of Olly Barkley returning to fitness before breaking his hand, and loss of their skipper during the Tigers game in the shape of the influential, Steve Borthwick, then the battle is there to behold.
This would seem to be indicated by the form shown by Bath this season to date. In the premiership, they seem to be as consistent as a whore’s menstrual cycle, with ying and fecking yang results popping up for them and their horned-up supporters.
Five games down, the Win column is as bare as Irish’s, although they gave Tigers a right fecking mullering at the Wreck. Then the last outing was a real fecking at the hands of the Sorries!
The real positive from their games so far is in the fact they love it in front of their home fans, who have witnessed two wins from two with the Wuss game done and filed away with four points. Feck me, I would love it, just fecking love it if we could win at home.
Come Saturday though, the game will be a real target for a minimum of four points, and they will believe it can be done against an Irish team also struggling for players and a decent run of friggin’ results.
This International weekend, to allow the RFU to shoehorn another fat cow of a weekend into the fixture list, has been kind to a Bath side used to a friggin’ huge volume of stars fecking off to play for England. Danny Grewcock is a starter, with a possible Lee Mears bench spot being their main concerns.
This should mean that Meehan can get his fecking teeth into a squad that will be more than capable of asking rock hard questions of LI, injuries aside. New signings over the summer have been added to the selection headaches, with most available. Their major coup was that of Matt Banahan, the Irish academy lad, who went the opposite way to James Hudson.
Other significant new feckers have seen Shaun Berne arriving from New South Wales, Pietro Travagli from Italy and a couple of Samoan fellas with fecking long names and big thighs (Jonny Faamatuainu and Eliota Fuimaono-Sapolu).
Okay, Banahan, all be it a friggin’ awesome signing, was more ‘for the future’ type of business. The real coup has been converting a rugby league legend. The Burberry wearing fecker, Chav Walker, should be available, but will the lad play 6? He is fecking huge by the way lads.
Bath is a team that are bagging the tries, but also letting in a fecking lot of opposition five pointers against their defence patterns. They have been guilty of allowing teams to get under their fecking skins and battle their line that is not thin or fecking red.
They need to secure more ball in the loose and get the fat feckers powering turnover and set plays. The girls are as dangerous as those found in Po Na Na’s, so some big results will arrive when the hideous and nasty back row feckers are all available for nasty selection.
In the front row, the City slickers have received excellent news in that Duncan Bell, the most underrated fat lad in England and David Barnes, a guy with the biggest cranium in European rugby, have both been committed (you would have to fecking be!) for a while longer. With David Flatman, the capped Englishman from Kent, getting back to full fitness, there are some big units to fill the corners of the set-piece.
If Lee Mears does get a call for the dirty ABs game, then the number two slot will be hard to fill, but not in a homo way. Rob Hawkins will be itching more than a leper’s groin that Mears gets in and he is given the role, although Pieter Dixon will be fighting both an injury and Hawkins to grab the shirt.
In the locks, the absence for different reasons of the awesome Borthwick and Grewcock partnership will allow Brain Smith to feel he can compete even with the probable sick note carriers of Casey and Kennedy. This should allow Hudson a real opportunity against his former club. Still, the two that get the nod will still give it some.
Peter Short is starting to be a real serious piece of second row meat to stop when he gets hands on some fecking ball. He owns a pair of shoulders not seen since Dynasty in the friggin’ 80s, and has exceptional pace for a big lad. If fit, then Ron Fidler, the former Glaws player now on the darkside, will add experience and wisdom all over the paddock.
In the back row, the return of the Andy Beattie, cousin to the Hollywood star Warren, has been fecking huge for the Bath side, as his defensive work is a huge love in his game. James Scaysbrook should also continue his recent good form to help fight the fight required in and around the tackle area, as well as getting across the gain line. Zac Feaunati is just a fecking murderous man in all facets of the friggin’ back row game.
Nick Walshe at 9 has been passing ball to more partners than Richard Burton of late. With injuries and form, plus squad rotation, he must be looking at their hands rather then their fecking heads to ensure he settles. He is a quality scrummie, with an eye for the break and will relish a confrontation with Hodgson.
With Barkley out, Chris Malone and Shaun Berne will be the two 10’s vying for a start. Old Aussie Molly will probably get the nod, as he seems to love fecking the Irish over, and also due to Berne providing cover in the centres. Tom Cheeseman will make up the midfield selection, an area that needs people available.
Finally to the fast feckers of the back three. Nick Abendanon, Micheal Stephenson and David Bory could well be the best trio for the job against the Irish. South African born and England underage lad, Abendanon, is a real talent for the future, who is showing the signs now. Stephenson at wing is a far more fecking balanced attacking option, as well as ripping the high ball pressures and full back covering duties away from him.
Bory, the capped Frenchie, is a real beauty to have in any side. In tight situations, he gets himself free and presents ball for the team. With ball in hand, he is harder to keep down than a prawn madras.
Chev Walker will get in somewhere, allowing a bit of flexibility, pace, defence and an eye for a fecking score. He will feature.
London Irish, fresh from the Toulouse match, would have taken a bucket load of confidence from that game. The handling errors were reduced dramatically and the shape of the team before the injuries took their toll seemed a lot more balanced.
The back rowers of McCullen, Danaher and Murphy provided a lot more edge in and around the contact area, although this and tackling in general, still have to be improved further. Two areas to give it friggin’ large: securing our own ball and first up tackling.
The availability will dictate the game plan for Saturday, with Flutey and Catt two huge players needing some fecking healing hands on their parts all week. This has to be the most important part to our season, so all star quality must get the feck on the bus to the West Country.
If the belief is there and the moves tried last week click, Irish could well take the 100% home league record away from Bath Rugby. Tough one to call, but ah, we have won there at least once in a fecking hundred years!
--Master Scribe