Big Tackles and Sixways, But Not in a Wuss Way
Well, feck me, the run-in is on us all and not an‘R’ word involvement upon us!What a freaking boring situation to be in, as we have nothing to worry about, well apart from a fecking play-off slot and the chance to rub shoulders with Europe’s finest in the HC.
Four to play, and these feckers are bigger than God and even more on the huge side of John Lennon. Two of these games are away, including the Pesty feckers from Wycombe.
So next up on our travels are the Worcester Warriors, so called after Walter Hill’s classic cult film , er ‘The Warriors’. This is due to John Brian playing ‘Vermin’ in this fecking awesome flick about survival on the mean streets of Hereford. He apparently insisted on this name change as his best moments in life came during the making. ‘Warriors. Come out toooooo play-ay’ is his method for getting his chargers on to the training paddock.
This East Wales Club have proven themselves in the top flight, backed by some vocal fecking supporters who tend to be heard at every venue. The cry of ‘Warriors’ united at Sixways is as intimidating as it gets for all visiting fans, and their chosen song of ‘Relight my fire’ really stirs the soul.
The Warriors, have been struggling without the influential figure of skipper, all round good egg and snappy dresser, Pat Sanderson. This man is under-capped, but one fecker of a flanker and leader. Wins ball for fun and is never one to fall off the tackle, but not in a homo way.
After the impressive first season in the Zippie, Wuss would have hoped for another season bashing the feck out of the more ‘glamorous clubs’ in this seasons AG Premiership. Their target must have been top six and a chance to get more exposure in the HC next season; a position that is well within reach. The play-offs are still there for the taking if a five-pointer against the Irish can be delivered.
With the absence of Sanderson, Worcester has become as consistent as Dick Cheney’s view on weapons of massive destruction. Two away day blues-fests at strugglers Leeds and Sorries have come either side of a real fecking dished out to the Champs and Pests, London Wasps.
They have experienced nine defeats during the course of the season, but four have been close enough to get vital losing bonus points. They have been known to score a few tries with thirty so far this term, but the real fecking ball-breaker has been their desire to allow the opposition to part their defences to claim five pointers. Forty-two tries have been upchucked; a record only bettering one side defensively, namely the Tykes.
At home, the fortress walls have been fecked on three occasions, the bitterest of pills coming from the one syllable feckers, Barf. Still, wins against the Cheetahs and Pests have shown that this outfit can match all-comers on their day; a real handful when in front of the adoring Midlander’s.
The pride and grunt of their pack is not a place to confront any fears of death or torture.
With a front row containing Mister Windo will always cause grief, as he is a big fecker with soft hands and possesses the ability to squeeze into tight holes to claim a few tries! Chris Fortey, the real head banger formerly of Glaws, will be up for any fight as he can actually start one in solitary confinement!
With the likes of Andre van Niekerk which is Afrikaans for ‘Flesh eating fecker’ at hooker cover and no neck Tevita Tuamoepeau, all visitors will need to front up and take a mullering.
As for that friggin’ Friar Mike McDonald from the bench, he looks like a friggin scary fecker! Chris Horsman has been out and will not feature in this match, a huge relief to the Irish fat boys.
Craig Gillies has been one fecking glum baldy friggin’ lurch of late with his fellow lock, Tim Collier being unable to battle come set-piece time. These two partners in crime are probably the best combo in the fecking league for all round second row disruption. Saosi Vaili and Phil Murphy have been attempting to fill the void left by Collier, and will provide a real test against the exiles.
The game winners and heartthrobs of the ladies are in the form of the back row lads. This again will be key, and will determine the destination of the points. The Exiles will need to welcome back both Murphy and Leguizamon to help Dawson, Magne, Roche and Danaher ply their trades on the flanks, because this is going to hurt like feck to beat the Wuss boys.
The aforementioned Sanderson is real quality and his battle with Magne will make even Granny Smith moist. His companions of the dark arts will probably be Horstmann and Hicky, two feisty feckers who happen to enjoy the contact area like, er, a lot! They will seek to slow ball to prevent their girls being exposed by the fast Irish back three, but will also turnover ball given a sniff of a chance to do so.
Hodgson will again have his hands full at 9 in the shape of Matt Powell, the grandson of Baden, who is one of the top scrum feckers in the league on his day and provides an edge in and around the contact area. He may have to give way to ex-Glaws fecker, Gomarsall, but this just shows the strength Wuss have in this department.
Inside either of these fine scrummies, lies the talent of one Shane Drahm; he of the Saintly ones last season. The wannabe Englishman, feck knows why, is a true scholar of the game and will pose a few questions of Flutes come Saturday afternoon. This 10 slot will be a fascinating area as both lads like a bit of a wobble as well as possessing the vision to release the girls.
Dale Rasmussen and Thomas Lombard-direct are forming a useful pairing in the centres but will need to be firing to close down and prevent the passing of Catt and the directness of Tiesi. Quality ball will give Irish a real fighting chance to get fecking width on the phases and may well be the area for tries.
Finally, the back three. Aisea Havili, the Tongan, is having a blast on the wing. Fresh from his hat-trick at the Gardens, this fella has a keen eye for the line. With Nicholas Le Roux and another Glaws old lad in the form of Thinus Delport, the home side will provide a threat if given the pill. Irish will need to be wary of this, but also have fecking outrageous pace to cause problems.
After the result at the Madstad in September when Martin Fox awarded a penalty try to Wuss nearing the end of the game, giving them a 20-15 victory, Irish will seek to gain some revenge. On that day, the Warriors fought like rabid dogs and defended as if their community charge increase depended upon the result.
Irish, since then, have become a different side and are starting to be talked about in the positive for their ambition for a change. The visitors will ask some serious questions of the Wuss lads, but will need to be ready to stand toe to toe in the battle to win this one. Wuss, and their friggin’ passionate crowd, hate losing at their place and will be tough to beat.
Ah, it may just be the dress rehearsal for the Challenge Cup Final!
-- Master Scribe