Pest Swatting, Anyone?
So, here we go on the eve of the newly formatted PowerGen Anglo-Taff Cup, a bit of silverware we won in its previous guise on that awesome day at HQ against the favourites, Saints. April 2002, 38 – 7, oh the day was awesome, and the Craic was more mighty that the mightiest of craics known in craicdom.This type of tournament will take the focus away from the premiership for a while and start a dream of replicating that famous day in the clubs history. Also a day the supporters of this fine club will continue to jackanory their part in it.
So what is new this season? Well the competition no longer involves the English clubs outside of the top tier, their places taken by the Celts across the River Severn. It is also in groups for the opening round, with the winners of each group taking their place in the Semi-final.
The groups are regional, apart from the Taff beggars of course. This means our group contains the Pests, Sorries and Cardiff Blues. We have Pests and Cardiff at home, with a trip to our favourite away ground for winning in the shape of Sorries, Vicarage Road.
That explained to most of the thick feckers, the preview of London Wasps at ours can be delivered.
Wasps have had a shake up at the top of their management structure, with Warren Gatland heading home. The Scottish Legend that is Ian McGeechan, a former Scotland and British and Irish Lions coach, has taken his position. Bad enough for the London Irish team that a Jock is at the helm of this squad, let alone a man with more knowledge of the game than even BrainlessC!
The playing squad has been added to in key areas, giving them formidable strength in-depth, and all within the Salary cap!
They will come to the MadStad unbeaten having already won against Sorries, Wuss and Tykes as well as a hard earned home draw with dem other unbeaten side, Tigers.
Out for this game will be everybody’s favourite dickhead in the form of Do-frickin-lalee, after his injury he picked up on the last toothless Lions tour down under. Also the hugely superb player and man that is Josh Lewsey, although these two are back in training and will be match fit by the time we meet the Pests on New Years Eve. Shite.
The team that will be at ours will be well equipped to give us a good fecking, all under the spell of the most under-rated 10 in English ruby, Alex King. Partnering King at half back will probably be Gobby Dawson, a huge favourite with us and Budge ‘1 Ball’ Poutney in the cup final mentioned previously (although it may be mentioned again!). He is covered by a recent Munster man, Eoin Reddan, a fine scrum half and Irish to boot. Sponsored by Magners Irish Cider, and more Irish squad players than us gives these feckers more of an Irish feel than London Irish! Still, Free Mac Guinness in the 3G’s between 8.00 – 10.30pm after the match may change this feel.
Anyway, onwards. The back three are kinda awesome as well. The now English qualified Van Gisbergen at full back has been lethal with the boot so far this season, and has now equalled Johnny Wilkinson’s kicking record having converted the first try against Wuss (fecked the record breaker though!). The wingers are Voyce, the former Bath boy who is a nightmare to bring down, and a certain Mr Sackey. Our former hero has been given England caps and won a premiership medal since fecking off up the M4 to the Causeway, a place where I wish some of our fans would fecking go as well.
In the centres, the insect ones have the Waters/Abbott partnership back, and oh, how well that works.
In summary, their girls are fricking hot and have the potential to give us a fecking pasting, and I haven’t moved on to their REAL strength yet!
Their back row will contain O’Connor and Worsley, so our much improved 6-8 pivot will have to issue some whoop-ass in every department of play. The second row of Purdy, and Birkett or Simon Shaw (feck, I am shitting myself at the thought of this game!) are a scary combination and will win ball all day, given the chance. Finally, the front row of Payne, Ibanez and Dawson are sorts that are not to be met in dark alleys in around Wycombe, mainly because they love creating new holes in people that didn’t actually want them!
On the bench, the bad news continues with the likes of Erinle and Bracken being available to replace any sick/lame/knackered geezers who have given their all against Irish.
Irish must go into this cup tie with a no fear attitude, so must refrain from reading this doom-shite preview and work hard on the basics. Staniforth is likely to be missing after the injury against Brizzle, so Topsy may well get a baptism of fire out wide if he can prove his fitness in time. Paul Franze should be unleashed to help grow his knowledge of union, but again he will have to be pitch perfect on the day.
For the exiles to win this opening fixture, the pack have to function as a unit and fight for every scrap. Magne, Spud and Awesome need to get in the faces of the Pests and really get under their skins. The front row, still awaiting the cavalry from SA, will be under enormous pressure at scrum time, and the second row will need to win every lineout and also spoil their set plays.
If the girls can get good ball, the speed out wide could really ask questions of Wasps, especially Sacks, who seems to have lost a yard or two of pace. Here’s also hoping that the hands he borrowed off Maradonna for the opening game at the double header are still in his possession!
Can we win? Of course, yes. Will we win? I for one will make no comment on this until Sunday at 5.30pm. Until then, this answer will change more frequently than a big brown bag full of answers that change loads in their changing answers universe.
Insect repellent to hand, and a song in my heart to hopefully swat those pesky pests once and for all. This could be the start of the road back to Twickers, winning the trophy again as was accomplished in April 2002, or has that already been mentioned.
-- Master Scribe