Castle Grim, Shedheads and Cider
Gloucester Rugby will go into this game full of confidence having won four straight games in all competitions (yes, including the Second Rated Challenge Cup) since losing to dem pesky Pest feckers at the Causeway 32-25.Gloucester cruised to the quarters as top seeds with a perfect record in their group, recording a fine 32-19 win over the Irish Cup opponents, Bayonne. Powell with two, Morgan and Tindall claiming the try bonus at Castle Grim.
Irish will come in to this game full of beans after fecking Pau, Ludo’s former club, 75-12, scoring 11 tries en route to securing a quarter final berth in the European Challenge Cup. Topsy Ojo had the best of the backs with a friggin’ deserved hat trick, but all the other girls got at least one five pointer in a fine display of attacking rugby.
In the Black Stuff Premiership, a home win against the Tykes and a dull away fecking of the Sorries has given them hope of a shot at the title, with a chance this weekend to extend the lead over the chasing pack for this final spot.
Irish, for their part, are hoping to prevent a third defeat on the trot, having lost to the Pests and Cheetahs at home over the festive period, a period so festive it felt like Christmas for the visiting sides.
League Stats for the stats obsessed amongst you: Glaws have scored five more fecking tries (25-20) than Irish and conceded seven less (17-24), giving them a 64 point plus value in points difference. This, however, has only meant two try bonus games for the West Country outfit, a figure matched by the Exiles. This currently lands the Cherry and Whites (in old money) the last place in the fecking play-offs, 6 full points ahead of London Irish.
The last game these two feckers played against each other was at the Madstad at the backend of November. The home side won this encounter 25-10, thanks to a large slice of the Barry boot, but the Irish pack won the battle in the loose, tight, set-piece and probably in the fecking bar for the third half as well.
The back row was key to this game being won that day and this area will go a long way in deciding this game. Roche, Danaher and Murphy were the starting back row lads way back when, a trio that competed hard, but one that can and will be strengthened. With the in-form Danaher injured, Dawson should get the nod and will relish the challenge that Kingsholm and the one-eyed fecking Shedheads bring.
Having had a sprog at the weekend, Magne will be full of spunk and loving life at the moment. Having recovered from injury, he has been getting pitch time to sharpen the skills and gain the match fitness required for the premiership; and proved himself ready against the poor Pau mob.
At 8, well feck me, I have not an idea of the starting fat lad. Both Murphy and the ever-skilful fecker Leguizamon are both fighting like friggin’ Lions to claim the starting shirt, and both would give the Irish 110%.
These lads will have to face up to 3 from the strong fecker Adam Balding, Peter Buxton, old Irish boy Jake Boer, James Forrester (if fit) and the fast improving Luke Narraway. No easy challenge given the strength they generate from the Shed roar.
Another key to victory in Reading was the dominance of the Exile’s line-out. Casey, fresh from turning his back on the Glaws outfit by signing a two year contract, and Kennedy have been one of, if not the best second row pairing in the premiership. Kennedy is still getting over a fecking mullering in Agen, so is doubtful in challenging Alex Brown for English notoriety, so Roche may pinch the partnership with Bob.
The aforementioned Brown was absent from the last encounter and was sorely missed. He is a quality lock and loves nothing more than pinching ball from all comers. A probable pairing will be with Adam Eustace, a mean fecker who saw yellow when facing the wrath of the Irish last time out.
And now on to the West Country dream feckers: the front row. With Phil Vickery facing more surgery and more frickin’ downtime from the side, this fat fecker battle can be won.
Patrice Collazo, Mefin Davies and Gary Powell will probably front up on Saturday; a mean set of feckers you wouldn’t want to meet … ever. A mobile unit that can grunt when the grunting is needed, with the Collazo Mountain the likelier of the grunters.
With the reborn, revitalised, refreshed, re-aged and re-built Hatley on one corner and the fecking HUGE Rautenbach propping the other, Irish have made great strides in being able to compete in this vital area. Coetzee will slip nicely in to the vortex that is between the loose and tightheads to ensure the battle will be worthy of the admission fee alone.
At half back, the Glaws have been forced into starting the abrasive Peter Richards with news that scrum-half Haydn Thomas will be out for up to six weeks after fracturing his collarbone. Inside him is the Gloucester leg end of Ludo Mercier, a man whose ear wax apparently tastes of honey and can speak fifteen languages including tractor. Unfortunately for Glaws, he didn’t turn up at the Madstad and had what we call “a mare”, but he is always inspired at home. With Hodgson and Flutey at the 9-10 axis, this again will be a fecking intriguing double duel.
And finally - and about time - the girls. Gloucester has a young exciting set of backs that can strike from anywhere if given a good platform. Olly Morgan and Anthony Allen are two stars for the future with pace and skill that needs to be stopped at source. Given space, then feck me, they will run like big runny feckers. With the likes of the under-capped James Simpson-Daniel and the royalty feck-monster Mike Tindall paired in the centres if both are fit, the attacking options are frightening.
Irish have proven they can, at times, live with this and are more than capable of asking the home side a few questions of their defence. Horak, Armitage, Ojo, Catt Mordt and Penney have hit the straps of late and would hope to be given the space to play exciting rugby, a brand not associated with Irish in the past few seasons.
This, my odd-shaped feckers, will be a tough game and a hard one to call. Gloucester at their place can be difficult to budge, as we know all to well having lost every premiership game we have ever played there. Our Cup win a few seasons back was achieved by heart and spirit on the day. It can be done, but they need to give their all, and that includes the travelling support. Win and we can go doo-frickin-lally as it would be a mighty double to achieve.
-- Master Scribe