Exiles required to shoot down in-form Falcons.
Just look at the fecking table and it will tell you the enormity of this clash. London Irish sit 5th, 3 points behind Glaws and 5 behind the Cheetahs in the chase for play-off places and also guaranteed entry into the elite HC next term.The Falcons are 7 points back from the exiles in 7th spot and looking over their shoulders at a chasing pack, fighting for AG Premiership safety.
Irish, although off the back of fecking the Cherry and Whites at fortress Kingsholm, be it due to a crap ref, no fans from Ireland, loads of Springboks and no idea of how to play rugby (feck off!), must still race for 42 plus points. This is to ensure the premiership do not lose out on the more colourful of supporters next season. Once achieved, a push for HC has to be the goal.
The Falcons will still have a keen eye on survival, then HC with 45 points still on offer for the fine club from Scotland.
The clubs are closer than the 7 points current splitting them, with the Falcons gaining 4 losing bonus points, indicating the closeness of their defeats and maybe a more elevated position.
The two can’t be split on tries conceded, both parting their defences to allow the Moses on opposition to cross the fecking whitewash on twenty-four occasions in their thirteen games thus far, and only one try more to the positive from Irish - with twenty-one - is the difference in the black.
Even the last conflict created by these two sides back in November was a marginal victory of 3 points (20-23) for the visiting Exiles at Kingston Park, in the county of Lothian.
This can be summarised by predicting a fecking close affair when the two lock horns at the Madstad on Sunday.
The Falcons will travel South full of confidence in maintaining a great run of games, having won four out of their last five premiership games. This included defeating Gobby and Dayglows pests at home, although a fair fecking was awarded them on a return visit to the Causeway.
Has this had a more positive impact on their DOR? Well, of course not!
Rob Andrews, the squeaky fecker from the kingdom of Whinge-shire has maintained his consistent assault on all things whinge-worthy. A broad subject matter when squeaking like a door that has squeaked for 150 years due to neglect, and an insert of extra squeak applied during the great squeakfest of the 80’s.
If it isn’t the treatment of his chargers by national sides, it’s the ‘R’ word and how it has a shite impact on his perfect game plan. He was also very quick to slate our fine win, in front of the Sky cameras way back in November; the bigoted squeaker. Irish are boring, off-side, lucky, ref dependant and a pain in the fecking arse, and the lads shouldn’t be at HIS premiership party. Well, feck him.
As for the Falcons, this is a fine club, and former champions who just seem stuck on a never ending spin-cycle of under-achievement. Finely supported through the good and the average, so common ground with London Irish is the reality. Oh, and they have the freakin’ best Jacuzzi in all the land!
Due to Sevens, and full national call ups, the North-East side have been stripped of class and line-breakers in the shape of Charvis, Noon and the birthday boy Tait (fecking 20 years old!), coupled with the continued absence of Golden Bollox Jonny. This will have an affect on their game plan, but they are still gifted with some fecking top draw performers.
Matthew Burke is the main fecker for the blacks. In Burke, they have a diamond, who can win games on his own. The 33 year old Aussie, capped 81 times by the Wallabies, still has much to offer the Premiership and has weighed in with five tries within his 75 point haul this season. If fit for Sunday, he will be a class act that needs to be watched big friggin’ style.
Other girls to be mindful of include May, Walder, Charlton and the ever improving Elliot.
Walder has been capped by the English, and has the versatility of the wiggy feck. A couple of tries this season have been paired with more drop goals than a drop goal gala, which means a danger sign must be placed on his shirt prior to kick-off. The fella is also chasing the 500 point milestone, with 15 more required. Here’s to him being 15 short at the end of the match on Sunday evening (10 if Burke is in, but maybe 15 if the Aussie is not there).
At scrum half, the Newcastle side have a decision of Charlton or Grindal, both fine 9s and able to mix it. The combative Charlton is always a handful in Reading and may get the nod, although Grindal has been getting a load of start time of late.
Elliot has come back to get game time and has paid back three tries in five games so far this term, a fine return for a player in the shadow of Tait. With May in and around the fringes, the Falcons will be sniffing tries.
The pack have had to battle critics all season, and this key area may be where to get at the feckers, oh and make squeaky squeak just a little.
The front row of Morris, Long and Ward are an ugly bunch who will fight to get the upper hand. This will be a battle from the off, with Long not found wanting in the card games. Morris, the former Saint, is still attempting to re-live the form that got him England recognition back in 1932, but is a strong fecker. Ward is a rock with no feeling below the hairline, then due South, down to his size 15s.
The strong pairing of Perry and Sweaty Capped Grimes are more than a handful, and good ball winners at lineout time. This is largely down to how Long is feeling with the chunking arm, but on their day, good professionals.
Finally, Finegan is the standout in the back row. With over 50 caps for Australia, he will bring in vast experience to try and combat a strong area for Irish. With Charvis away with the former 6 Nation Champions, his partners will be gleaned from Woods, McCarthy and Harris.
This is a must win game for both sides, for similar reasons. Irish will be without Magne and Mordt due to call ups, and 167 others through injury, but are showing the depth of squad to compete in this league.
The Kingsholm massive were the pack, who, to a man, fecked the Glaws 8 in impressive style. The locks stole and secured ball in the lineout, an area Irish will need to attack once more. The front row had a mighty game at scrum time and the back row friggin’ fought like rabid dogs to win ball in the loose.
Another huge effort from these lads should provide a mighty platform to launch the girls, oh and the danger of them. Flutey and Hodgson are key to getting the pill moving, with Catt needing another big performance inside.
I wonder if the new fella, Thaki … Tictac … Tagicakibau, could bag one to allow Andrew the stage to fecking slate us with his ‘add nothing to the English game’ rant. Oh, I hope so.
-- Master Scribe