Time For Real Fans to Come out of the closet
With most of the London Irish lads taking a well deserved rest after the fecking battering at Gloucester, all eyes will switch to the 6 Nations. A competition steeped in tradition with friggin awesome players, tries and battles down the years.Last season saw a return of the expansive and entertaining Welsh team, returning to the top of the tree with a well deserved slam, and playing the brand of rugby their forefathers would have been fecking proud to view.
So what will the great tournament bring for the viewing masses and prawn sandwich feckers in the year of 2006. Well I thought I’d give it a freakin lash and helping to provide some information for you lot:
France
Star Man: Y Jauzion
The French will go into this years 6Ns shouldering the favourites title with a squad rammed with fecking all stars. Having won the slam in 2002 and 2004, they will again be looking to claim the lot, with a home match against the English enemy being the defining game.
In 2005, the froggie feckers flattered to deceive on the biggest European stage, and but for a few dodgy friggin decisions against the Sweaties from the North, should have started the campaign with a home defeat. Having squeaked home against the English at Twickers, they got fecked by the all-concurring Welsh having taken a commanding lead into the break. A mere 3 points in the second half at home, left the French red faced and their supporters pished off with their underachieving squad.
At Lansdowne, they then fecked the Paddies to spoil the slam party, winner take all Millennium showdown, da wankers. They did so without the pressures shown the week previous.
Steady through the Autumn, but not inspiring, the French on their day have the lot. Moody feckers 1-22, which can be their undoing in the big fecking games, may well be their downfall.
Prediction:
The French will not feck it up this time and will be the force to beat. With Pelous back from a friggin rest for twatting an Aussie, and he was luck to only get 9 weeks, the French will have a leader to see them through.
The big test will come at home to the English. This is the game to watch, if you are an French or English fecker anyway.
1st
England
Star Man: J Lewsey
The English had a shite time last time around, with the Welsh, Irish and French exposing a leaderless bunch of feckers in 2005. In fact, the English have won only 5 of the 10 6Ns games since becoming World Champions in Australia.
In truth, the defeats from the last campaign could have been oh so different but for factors beyond, in large, their control. The opener in Wales was a real close affair, with Henson delivering one big tackle on first capper Tait and one feck off kick to beat the visitors in front of a passionate Taffy crowd. The shaven legged Church fecker’s only contribution to the slam!
The Irish struggled to contain England at Lansdowne Road, with that fecker Kaplan at the heart of some game changing decisions (I thought he had a fecking great game, now lads!), prompting Robinson to throw his toys out of the pram.
The French game at HQ will be the real fecking ball breaker. Yachvili, a former Cherry and White, but only shite then, kicked 18 points to over turn an eleven point English lead to claim the day for Les Froggies.
A solid Autumn International period saw England resort to 10 man rugby for large periods of time, but really fronted up against the powerful ABs, the cheating feckers. A more expansive game plan may reap the rewards with class players out wide.
Prediction:
This time around, the Rose feckers will be full of it and chasing much revenge over the rest of the home countries and the Blue fellas from Italy and France. They will be more than a match for Wales and Scotland at HQ and should be gearing up to claim a triple crown in the final match at Twickers against the Irish.
The French will prove to be their only hurdle in a fecking battle Royal in Paris.
2nd.
Ireland
Star Man: B O’Driscoll
The Irish lads were bigged up hugely last term, having to face England and France in Dublin. Having claimed their first triple crown in 430 years in 2004, and all the stars firing, the feeling across the sea was fecking one of optimism. This soon seemed to be for the right reasons as the first 3 games went the right way of the winning line, punctuated by a real battle over the friends with the rose on the shirt.
The wins weren’t pretty and the feeling then was that of falling short, which they did big fecking style. The French arrived, fought and fecked the Irish to deny a winner take all battle against the Welsh. Still, back to back triple crowns was still there for the taking. On a passion filled day in Cardiff, there was only going to be one winner, and it wasn’t green!
Coming into this one, the Irish are being tipped to be the best of the rest, but hang a fecking dang now lads. Although they had a shite Autumn International series, even losing to the Hamster driven pack of Australia, they will be full of confidence. With Leinster and Munster hitting their straps of late and some great young Ulster men to plug the holes, they will be there to feck all those that believe the media.
Prediction:
The Irish will give it a right fecking lash, and will win all their home games. The real tests for them will be the visits to Paris and HQ, which just maybe beyond them to claim both. May well shock one of the big 2 though.
3rd
Scotland
Star Man: S Lamont
The Jocks have been pure shite over past couple of seasons with a solitary victory over the Italians at home last term to show for their efforts. Having ran the French close in Paris in the opening game in 2005, they went on a steady decline of feck before getting a few tries over the English.
A change in management has lead the Tartan Army to play with more passion which spilled into the games against the Pumas and ABs, the dirty feckers. Although defeated, the Sweaties have taken great heart from these games and will go look to compete in every game.
The Italy and Welsh games will be real targets, but Scotland would love to pull a swifty over the auld enemy at Twickers, hope to feck any ideas of slams and crowns. With youngsters coming through the ranks and playing well, an improvement, although not fecking hard, will be the overall target.
Prediction:
Realistic wins over Wales and Italy will be the goal. Away trips to Ireland and England will be the games on which to build and learn. May pull off a shock win against the more fancied sides, but have nothing to lose.
4th
Wales
Star Man: G Thomas
The Welsh went into last seasons 6 Nations with a real confidence about them, seemly from fecking nowhere. Having battled to a win over the English, the Welsh started to sling the ball around for friggin fun, a sight not seen in decades in Wales. This adventure lead to a massive day in Cardiff where, by defeating the Irish, they claimed an unlikely but thoroughly deserved Grand Slam.
All has change since this great day. The regional sides have struggled all season, and at least 127 of the Welsh line-up are out, fecked with injury. The limitation in the playing squad will only hinder the Taffys in the defence of the title.
The Autumn Internationals ended with a tight win over the fecking forwards hating Aussies, showing that the passion of the valleys can go along way, but this was after a fecking by the dirty ABs and a real struggle to overcome Fiji. The character of the side will again be the real question.
Prediction:
The Welsh do no have any fecker once their main fellas are sidelined. They may battle and try and get wide, but the line breakers will missing. A win over the Italians will probably be their follow up to the slam, but will give the Jocks a game and may win this to get 4th.
5th
Italy
Star Man: M Bergamasco
Italy are moving in the right direction and are starting to put the shite up teams like Wales and Scotland, who they have beaten over the past 3 seasons. The club rugby of Italy is starting to get much needed coaching and backing to move the national game forward. Oh, and by feck they love the contact this game offers.
With the fecking awesome French fecker, Pierre Berbizier at the helm, the Azzurri will be hoping for some of his flair to rub off and transform their standing in European rugby. The fat lads will compete, but if the improving girls can get some spark, they will be a team to treat lightly at your peril.
Wins in the Autumn over Fiji and Tonga and a strong showing against the Pumas will give the Italians hope of pulling off a shock or 2. They need to keep improving and show they belong in the elite competition to help bring in the crowds.
Prediction:
Italy will target the home game against the Jocks as the means to feck the wooden spoon. With belief, a first away win in this tournament could be theirs in Wales, but they may just need to settle for 5th if they get the right result.
6th
Fixtures
Saturday, 04 February 2006
England v Wales, 15:30
Ireland v Italy, 13:30
Sunday, 05 February 2006
Scotland v France, 15:00
Friday, 10 February 2006
Wales Women v Scotland Women
Saturday, 11 February 2006
France v Ireland, 13:30
Italy v England, 16:00
Sunday, 12 February 2006
Wales v Scotland, 15:00
Saturday, 25 February 2006
France v Italy, 14:00
Scotland v England, 17:30
Sunday, 26 February 2006
Ireland v Wales, 15:00
Saturday, 11 March 2006
Ireland v Scotland, 15:30
Wales v Italy, 13:30
Sunday, 12 March 2006
France v England, 15:00
Saturday, 18 March 2006
England v Ireland, 17:30
Italy v Scotland, 13:30
Wales v France, 15:30
-- Master Scribe